Duo's Balls
by Friezaess
Summary: A pre-Christmas fic (and no, it's not one of those ones revolving around Duo's inability to cook). A thoughtful Duo decides to make some rumballs for Christmas. Ain't he a sweety? However...


DUO'S BALLS  
  
  
[insert disclaimer here]  
  
AN: This is an early Christmas fic, written straight after I did some Christmas cooking (as was my inspiration). It would've been up earlier if I hadn't been banned from FFN for the past week- I ended up deleating five fics! . Also, Microsoft Word ain't working on my computer, thus I don't have spell checker, so don't blame me for any typos! (It's pretty good though.)  
  
And also, look out for my main 'Gundam Wing' Christmas fic, which will be posted on December 24th (Christmas Eve, duh...)  
  
  
  
_~*~_  
  
  
  
It was mid-December in a future far from now. A future plagued by war, violence and blood. A future in which children are soldiers, innocence lost at an early age, and a future that grew more dark and bloody every day. It was also a future in which Duo Maxwell decided to do some Christmas cooking. Now this may seem insignificant in comparison to the previously mentioned occurances, but believe you me, the God of Death surrounded by rum, glucose, rum, thousands of chocolate sprinkles and even more rum is not something to be taken lightly.  
  
That's right, as a little treat for the pilots (and considering he had been banned from using all electrical appliances in the kitchen due to the Electric Mixer incedent), Duo had decided to whip up a batch of rum balls. It hadn't been an easy task for an underaged boy like himself to obtain the liquor required for the recipe, but once he took a pair of plyers to Quatre's (previously locked) liquor cabinet, there were no problems.   
  
Our beloved Deathscythe pilot was currently attempting to crush two packets of biscuits and some walnuts into granuels, which were neccesary to help hold the potent balls together and add texture. He growled, not getting very far in his task by simply sitting on the packets.   
"There has to be an easier way to do this," he thought aloud. For a moment, he thought about using the electric mixer. A shudder ran through his body. "No way am I going near THAT thing again. I swear, that mixer's even more violent that Heero!" Duo raised his eyes to the heavens (or at least the stained kitchen ceiling in Quatre's house), as if looking for some kind of answer. Those same eyes soon had an excited gleam in them. Duo took the ingredients out from under his rear, and made a quick dash to the hanger where the Gundams were kept.  
  
Ten minutes later, the braided boy returned to the kitchen with the aforementioned ingredients flattened beyond recognition, and neglecting the need to wash any leftover crumbs off Deathscythe's metallic rear. After pouring the particles into a large bowl and mixing in some glucose, it was time to add the rum. Duo re-read the recipie on the crumpled piece of paper he was holding.  
"Now let's see, it says to add a quater of a cup of rum." And so, he proceeded to add six cups of rum. The other ingredients swam amongst the amber liquid. Taking a swig from the bottle for himself, Shinigami stuck his hands into the squishy mixture before him, mixing and kneading everything together (and stopping for a 'drink' every now and then). Eventually, he was able to come up with a mixture thick enough to mold. Well, it was actually a bit more watery than what he would have liked, but Duo was NOT about to compromise rum for practicality.  
  
The recipe went as follows- mold mixture into balls, roll in chocolate sprinkles, place on plate. However, Duo's method was more along the lines of- mold into globs, get chocolate sprinkles on everything but the glob, chuck onto plate from the other side of the room and yell 'Wai!' if it lands on the plate. Yes, Duo was very much enjoying the rum. After placing the rum globs in the fridge to set and mature until Christmas, 02 decided to have another 'drink', before deciding to take an alcohol induced doze under the table. The other pilots were unable to find him until the next day, when they accidently kicked him as they were sitting down to breakfast.  
  
Christmas Eve came about quickly, and Duo decided that the rum globs would be best had the night before Christmas. After all, he was very egar to hear what his comrades had to say about the dish. As they were watching television in the living room, the God of Death placed the large batch of globs before them.  
"Rum balls!" He announced, taking one for himself and handing some out to the others. Trowa eyed his suspiciously.  
"Do you think it's safe?" He asked Heero.  
"Probably not," came the reply.  
Quatre sniffed his- it smelt much like that old alcoholic that used to nest behind Sandrock.   
"C'mon guys! Eat up!" The happy teen grinned at his friends, waiting for them to take a bite.  
"Maxwell, did you use the electric mixer to make these?" Wufei questioned. "Because if you did..."  
"Relax, Wu-man! I've learned never to go near that thing ever again, I swear to Shinigami."  
This didn't help much- the pilots were still a little too terrified to take a bite of the odd-looking treat. This did not make Duo happy. In fact, it made him quite sad. He had put all that work into making those happy little globs of glucose and rum only to have the people he made them for turn them away! And on Christmas Eve too!   
"You... don't like my rum balls?" He asked, violet eyes turning big and watery. A textbook puppy dog look. And of course, Quatre was the first to respond.  
"..." He raised the little brown snack to his mouth. Eveyone looked on in shock/disgust/horror/delight as the morsle was chewed and swallowed.  
  
Silence.  
  
And then...   
  
"Hee hee... these balls are goooood," the neo-Arabian proclaimed, grabbing several more and devouring them. "These balls are very good, Duo!" Yes, our little blonde bishounen, having no idea of the alcohol content in the treat, had become drunk after the first bite. The other pilots followed suit, each rather enjoying the rum globs.   
"These balls of yours ARE good, Maxwell!" Wufei added between bites. "I want some more!"  
"Yes, I want some more of your balls too!" Trowa chimed in.  
"The only one to be touching his balls will be me," a certain perfect soldier stated, grabbing the plate of rum globs and running away with them. That's right, Quatre wasn't the only one to feel the effects of the alcohol.  
"Hey! Come back here with my balls!" Duo cried, as he and the other pilots chased 01 around the house. Wufei, the martial arts expert, took a flying leap and tackled the robber to the floor, and grabbed the plate off him. Heero pouted.   
  
The rum globs were finished within hours, and most of the pilots were passed out on the floor. All except Duo and Heero, who were lazily draped on seperate ends of the couch.  
"I liked your balls, Duo," Heero commented, savouring the aftertaste.  
"Yeah, my balls were pretty cool, wern't they?" Came the reply. The rest of the conversation was a mixture of slurring and mutterings of 'electric mixer', until finally, sleep and alcohol overcame them.  
  
Christmas day rolled around, and the five Gundam pilots staggered into the Sanq Kingdom's Christmas party with a mother of a hangover. In unison, they sauntered through the crowd (currently dancing to 'Jingle Bell Rock' as performed by Milliardo Peacecraft), and found a nice glass of orange juice to sip on. Still prone to the throbbing headaches and ringing ears that accompanied a hangover, the last thing the boys needed was for a screeching, piercing voice to scream   
"Heeeeeeroooooo!!!"  
Yes, we all know who it is. The love-struck pacifist girl ran over to the object of her affection, quickly noting his bloodshot eyes and droopy apperance.  
"What's wrong, Heero? You look exhausted!"  
"Yeah. Duo's balls."  
  
OWARI  
  
Now kids, if you're smart you won't do what these guys did and get totally pissed for Christmas. On the other hand, if you're like me, go for it! Woo! (You'll have to excuse me, I'm sooooooo freakin' drunk right now... I didn't know what I was drinking was 35% alcohol . Yay!)  
  
If you review, you can have some of Duo's cyber-rum globs! ^_^ 


End file.
